Having survived Singapore, our first ordeal of South East Asia, Lynchy and Ise were on their way to the 49th largest country in the world and heading straight for the capital, Bangkok, Thailand.
After collecting our luggage, Ise and I headed for the exit and the taxi rank. The first thing we noticed as the airport doors opened was the humidity of the air. After trying to catch our breath in the thin air, Ise and I noticed a nauseating smell. It was the awful fumes coming from the taxis. Ise turned around to see me get man handled by one of the many taxi drivers ready to rip us off. Whilst in the Taxi I tried to explain to the driver that we wanted to go to Asha Guest House which I booked over the internet a few nights previous to our arrival in Bangkok. The driver was having none of it. He wanted to take us to some sort of tourist guide. All he was saying to us was "I give you good price". You will later here about many other great Thai phrases.
After having a long discussion with the driver about his daughter working in England and how we could stay at her hotel for free, we finally arrived at TNT Travel. The taxi driver ushered us into a small touristy office where we were greeted by the great Tony Lee. After a good hour of negotiations, we agreed a price of 12,000 Baht for a three week package tour which included a 3 day jungle trek and 10 days on two different Thai islands. When we left the office, we were surprised to find the taxi meter still running. Tony Lee said that once we paid the driver, he would take us to our first nights accommodation at the City Residence Hotel.
After stepping through the doors of the Hotel we were welcomed by a lot of laughing, I didn’t think Isaac looked that bad. We were checked in by a young girl called Sarah. Due to the amount of laughing coming from Sarah and her colleague we were not in our room for about another 30 minutes. After getting escorted to our room, we decided to test out the gym and roof top swimming pool. We then decided to order some food up to our room and yet again all we got were laughs over the phone. Ise and I were eager to experience our first ever ping-pong show. Not knowing what time we should go we left the hotel at around 9pm in a tut-tut.
Lynchy was worried the tut tut driver was going to drive away whilst Ise was taking the photo |
Ise struggles to fit in this mode of transport |
After blatently driving around in circles for half an hour, we were dropped off in a dark pathway and our driver escorted us into the the small gloomy building. Once inside we were greeted by an old looking woman who was in charge of the girls that worked there. Later on I was to have a bit of an altercation with her. Whilst getting seated, we noticed how empty it was. We soon had two women each sitting by our side. Regrettably, whilst Ise was enjoying himself with two good looking girls, I ended up getting a minger attached to me, quite possibly a lady boy. Ise and I were quite impressed with what was on show and we couldn’t contain ourselves when the ping pong show started. This is a modus operandi where the women put a Ping-Pong ball in their private parts and ping it out. We were also treated to a live sex trapeeze sex show, together with some very unorthodox long distance baloon bursting. I even had to get up on stage and pull a ribbon from...
After a while I was asked by the minging woman sitting next to me if I wanted to go to the back room and have sex for a mere 200 baht (around 4 pounds). She was so repulsive, not even I would disburse her for sex. I thought it would be quite comical if I said you give me 2000 baht (around 40 pounds) for me to have sex with you. I was expecting a concrete No but she astonishingly said "let me just go and get the money". Whilst she was gone I turned to Ise and told him "she’s bloody getting the money. I am getting paid for sex". I was going to become Lynchy Bigalow Male Gigolo. My smirk was soon wiped off my face when the old woman came over and ordered me and Ise to leave. Waiting for us outside was the tuk-tuk man, who took us back to the hotel.
Sorry no pictures were alowed in these ping pong shows
Today we were leaving for Chiang Mai, the northern capital of Thailand. Our train was not due to leave untill 7pm, so there was plenty of time for some further Bangkok adventures. We decided we would go and visit The Grand Palace. This was established in 1782 and it houses not only the royal residence and throne halls, but also a number of government offices as well as the renowned temple of the Emerald Buddha. After flagging down a tuk-tuk we were on our way to the palace. On the way the driver told us that he would give us a cheaper fair if we got him some gasoline tokens. Ise and I thought yea why not, it can’t be hard to pick up some tokens from some person. This was until the driver dropped us off outside a jewellery shop. This might seem very eccentric but he wanted us to look around a jewellery shop. After 20 minutes of looking ridiculous, we decided to walk out and told him that we couldn’t get him his gasoline. He insisted the next shop would give us some gasoline. Ise and I didn’t like the sound of this and thought that we should just go to the temples but he managed to persuade us otherwise. The next shop turned out to be a suit shop. After walking in we were greeted by a shop assistant who asked if he could help us. Our response was "no thanks, we are just browsing". After another ten minutes of looking ridiculous, the shop manager escorted us out of the shop saying "I no what you are up to". That was quite possibly the most dim-witted we have ever looked.
So on to the temples. The tut-tut ride was no cheaper and lasted about 30 minutes longer than it should have. After been dropped off at the side of the road we were asked if we wanted him to wait for us. We vigorously said no, realising that any more gasoline stops would prevent us getting that train at 7pm.
Walking to the palace in the humid air, we were stopped by an old women asking us if we were going to the palace. We said yes and then were scammed again. She insisted that we had to wear trousers to cover up our legs. To make it even worse I had to wear sandals with straps on. The trouble was the sandals were about two sizes too small for me. This cost us a renting out fee of around £1. See pictures of idiocy.
The ridiculous trousers we were conned into wearing |
Ise preys that he will return to England in one piece |
After spending the late morning and early afternoon exploring the temples we headed back to the hotel for a bite to eat. Whilst eating I was eyeing up the receptionist, Sarah. This is where the lynchy chat first came into play. As you will discover in other reports, I like to try chatting up the women in their own language. I would constantly ask a girl a word and then repeat it. Ise was yet again not impressed by my style of chatting up women, but after trying and failing in many countries prior to Thailand, it seemed I had finally succeeded and like a little kid me and Sarah were writing letters to each. Her friend acted as the messenger, transferring our messages across the room.
 One of the famous letters Lynchy got from Serah Toktai |
After dinner we packed our bags and were on our way to Chiang Mai…
Whilst on board the 13 hour over night train to Chiang Mai we decided we would tour the train to kill some time. Ise decided that he needed a number 2. Upon arriving at the toilet we noticed the toilet was a hole on the floor and all your waste just lands on the track. In the end we decided to wait and went to bed.
Arriving in Chiang Mai we were picked up and taken to Richly Hotel, part of the package deal we had agreed on with Tony Lee. We arrived in our room and Ise and I looked at each other very puzzled. This was because there was just one double bed. This is where we had to become adult enough to sleep with each other. I didn’t spend a lot of time in this bed. Read on…
We spent the day exploring the massive Chiang Mai market. Both of us were still running away from chickens. We both bought a Thai sim card for our phones for a mere £3 before walking back to our hotel to get ready for a night on the town.
First port of call was the restaurant 200 yards from the hotel. After browsing through the menu Ise opted for safety with a veggie dish. I braved it by asking for the whole frog which in the end tasted of nothing and to be honest had very little meat on it. We walked along the river which divided the road in two and came across a bar that caught our eye. There were a lot of nice looking women dancing on the bar and it was showing the Liverpool versus Everton match. The lynchy chat seemed to be working and I managed to get talking to one of the belly dancers. She said she would meet us in the bar next door after she finished work. After playing pool with a load of people until 6am we finally left and I ended up going back to the dancers flat. She was called Prim. After spending the night with her, I didn’t get to bed untill early in the morning. I was feeling very delicate and to make things worse I didn’t have a clue where I was. I could have been hours away from our hotel for all I knew. Thankfully Prim helped me explain to the driver where I wanted to go, and it was only a short taxi ride back to the hotel. That night we had an early night, both tucked up in our lovely double bed, as we had to get up early for the 3 day jungle trek the next day.
Day One of our Chiang Mai Trek
Today we were greeted by our tour guide, Lahr. He was a very friendly guy but maybe a bit too friendly towards me. Ise later pointed out that he had a gay side to him and he was probably attracted to me.
It must be love, lynchy getting sexually man handled by Lahr |
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Our first port of call was a small market to stock up on food for the next few days. Ise was ok being a vegetarian but I became worried looking at the food on the market. All the food was covered in flies and the meat was looking shall I say very warm and with no refrigerator over the three days, bird flew did creep to the front of my mind.
Our first part of the trek was elephant riding. After working up an appetite Lahr took us all to this house where a woman cooked up some noodles which were very nice. After lunch we went for a long hike stopping off by rock pools and passing odd tribal villages. The first culture shock kicked in when walked into a small village consisting of no more than 10 wooden huts. The first site we came across was a small girl no more than 2 years old holding a knife and cutting vegetables whilst we were all taking photos of her. We were invited into the family’s hut and we really couldn’t believe this was their life. Ise and I quickly moved on when the first site of a dodgy looking chicken came walking towards us.
That evening we arrived in a small village slightly bigger than the one we passed. As soon as we arrived in the village we were mobbed by small children selling beaded necklaces. I really can’t stress enough how poor and run down these village are. Our sleeping place was in a hut where the whole group would sleep on the floorboards. The shower was a hut around 6ft by 5ft with a big bucket of cold water to wash your self in. Ise and I went to explore the small village. The Thai boys were playing a game crossed between football and volleyball with a small ball made out of the material you would find baskets made out of. I opted not to play with them as I would have been shown up. Yet again Ise and I found ourselves running away from dogs and chickens for the fear of catching bird flew and rabies. In the evening we all sat down and ate a spicy soup and a rice dish. This was followed by all the children in the village singing and dancing for us.
Ise and Lynchy get taught what work is |
Day Two of our Chiang Mai Trek
Today we were to say good bye to Lahr as the groups split into two. Our group consisted of me, Ise and two Dutch guys called Tristan and Ben, later to be named the Bob Marley group. Before we had got far, our tour guide stopped and chopped down some bamboo and made some chopsticks for us. For the duration of the treck that day we had to listen to Tris and Ben singing along to Bob Marley tracks over and over again. This could be the reason Ise fell ill the next day.
Day Three of our Chiang Mai Trek
Another long walk in 40 degrees heat was not helping the hapless Isaac. He was now really ill and had to miss out on the bamboo rafting. On the plus side, he got some rest from Bob Marley. That night we arrived back in Chiang Mai. Ise collapsed into bed whilst I went into town with Tristan to show him the bars I had been to where we could meet some women.
After playing pool again till the early hours of the morning, Tristan disappeared with one of the dancers and I went back with Prim again, only this time I gave my number to her. Why I did that god knows. I got back to see Ise at around 4pm and we made our way to the train station and back to Bangkok.
Whilst on the train I was bombarded with phone calls and txt messages from prim saying "come back", "I want you to live with me", "you can have a key to my flat" and "I will take you to meet my parents". For Isaac this was very funny. Usually I would be flattered by the attention, but this was obsession. This is what Thai women are like. Isaac was having issues of his own on the train journey back. Let's put it this way...he no longer had the choice of not using the train toilets. I'm pretty sure the rails were well lubricated for the next train that came along that day.
Arriving back in Bangkok we dumped our bags at TAT travel and had a shower there which was weird. I mean when would you see Premier Travel offering you a shower.
That day I had the courage to ask Sarah out to the cinema before she waved us off to Koh Samui and Koh Phangan…
Malaria, Jail, Buckets, and Fire-Dancers
After sleeping on a bus with barley any leg room for 12 hours we had finally arrived at the ferry port. Ise and I were on there way to the third largest island in Thailand, Koh Samui and the island which was discovered by sea gypsies 2000 years ago, Koh Phangan.
Once we had departed the ferry our first task was to choose a taxi driver. Yet again we managed to pick a taxi driver who decided to drive past our resort and drop everyone off before taking us back to our resort, Coconut Calm Beach. We arrived at this resort not knowing what sort of accommodation Tony Lee had booked us and were surprised to see how immaculate it was. We had a small beach hut (with single beds this time). This is where travelling stopped for a dozen days and holiday mode kicked in.
Ise looking burnt |
Lynchy happy he has worked out what his penis is for |
Lynchy doing Peter Andrea’s mysterious girl, Ise gets his best feature into the picture |
Ise was still feeling ill from the trekking in Chiang mai and, in an attempt to make himself feel better, went to get his hair cut from a woman across the road. Unfortunately he failed to notice that she had a white stick and a Labrador. The heat was doing us no favours and a few days into our stay, I too was struck by illness. Whilst checking our emails I randomly vomited yellow liquid. Ise and I started to wonder if our malaria tablets were actually working. I came to the conclusion that it was probably heat stroke.
A few days later we started feeling a bit better, so we decided to leave our resort and venture a few miles up the road to the main town on the island, Chaweng. After flagging down a taxi and negotiating a price of around 60 baht we were knocked for six, 600 that is.
After a brief consultation with Ise, we refused to pay the 600 baht the Taxi driver was demanding. Our remonstrations with the taxi driver were cut short by the clamour of the central locking system. We were locked in. The next words to come out of the drivers mouth were “I am taking you to the police station”. Ise and I were taken aback by this but remained calm. On the way, we discussed what we were going to say to the local police force and I came up with one of my little plans. As soon as we got to the station we would quickly rush to the police officer and explain to him what had happened before the driver had a chance to. Ten more minutes passed and we arrived beside a small wooden hut. As the driver pulled up he gave us one more chance to pay the fare, but we refused. As soon as we entered the police hut, we heard a screech of wheels. The taxi driver had bolted. Ise and I were lef t standing in a police hut with a very confused looking policeman. To get back to Chaweng we hopped on a truck which took us back for a mere 20 baht.
Our stay could have been better on this lovely island but due to illness we both struggled. Ise also got majorly burnt. The next day we boarded the lunch time ferry for the 45minute ride to Koh Phangan...
Ise at the ferry port of Koh Phangan |
After a choppy ferry ride, we arrived on the island of Koh Phangan. We flagged down a taxi, making sure the driver was clear on how much we were going to pay him before we got in. We were on our way to Golden Hill Resort. After engaging the steep hill to get to the resort we settled into our delightful apartment which was overlooking a forest. As budget accommodation goes this was top notch. The staff were only too happy to fulfil your every request. The resort had a fantastic open air restaurant which looked out onto the sea.
After getting to know the staff and finding out the best places to go for a night out we headed to the other side of the island to a place called Haad Rin. We left the resort with a group of girls at around 9pm. We all bundled into the back of a truck, both of us totally unprepared for the journey we were in for. We were soon all shielding our faces with our T shirts from the dust, as we speed our way down narrow dirt tracks, up steep inclines and then down sharp drops. A full twenty minutes later and we were in Haad Rin.
After trying out a few bars we headed towards the beach to see what was going on. What we saw next was something special. No, not Lynchy’s sausage, but a man selling these buckets. What these buckets consisted of was a small bottle of Samsung whiskey, syrup red bull in a bottle and coke. This created the worlds best and deadliest drink.
 The greatest drink ever invented |
I recall sharing 5 buckets with Ise and after that things get very very hazy. Whilst drinking these buckets and getting obliterated, Ise, in his drunken state, spotted these lights 100 yards up the beach. Closing in on them we realised they were fire-dancers with around 200 people watching them. Ise thought it would be clever to go up to them and dance around them whilst they were juggling with fire. I don’t recall any boo’s from the crowd but we were so hammered. To make the entertainment even better I came in with a dramatic roly-poly. During the course of the night I lost Ise. I think he was still dancing with the fire-dancers. I wandered off back down the beach coming across a 2 foot long lizard (I didn’t know this untill I found a photo in my pocket the following morning). In the photo I was kissing this lizard which was probably my best pull of the night. Read On...
 My best pull of the night |
Whilst hammered I started dancing in this bar but was getting besieged by this minger. Looking for a way out, I came across a good looking Danish girl who said she would help. After a while I lost both her and the minging Thai girl. At around 5am I was sitting drinking a beer on the beach behind a big wooden box. Then something weird came around the corner. It was the minger. I was in no fit state to ponder what I was doing. I was out of control. I think I tried to tell her where I lived but I was not capable of getting home so she took me back to hers. The place she lived in was a small cul-de-sac with half a dozen wooden huts. On entering her hut another girl was there in bed. She left the room for her friend and slept outside which personally I felt a bit guilty about. I was far too drunk at the time to say no. She didn’t have to leave on my account. To this day I don’t think I have ever been with any one as ugly as that.
That morning I had to do the walk of shame up the hill to our apartment, in full view of the girls that we went into town with the night before. I got back to find Ise in bed. He too, had got totally wasted, and ended up paying the equivalent of twenty quid for a taxi ride back to the resort.
We spent the rest of the day recovering. Whilst playing a marathon game of shithead I turned around to Ise and said
“do you hear monkeys in that forest?”.
So for the rest of the afternoon me and Ise sat on our balcony trying to spot monkeys. How sad is that.
The next day we made our way to Koh Samui Airport. This is a wicked little airport, that lays on free juice, snacks and internet access. We were a little afraid of the propeller driven plane that was taking us back to Bangkok, but we survived the flight and were soon back in Bangkok...
After our 13 day trip to the Thai islands we arrived back in Bangkok late at night. The taxi driver dropped us off in Silom Road, a road that runs next to the two streets of Patpong (red light district). Eventually finding the hostel we had to negotiate the stairway. The first thing we noticed, apart from the nice cool air conditioning, was a tall thing. You could put it in the same bracket as the station beast from Vienna (see the Austria blog). Moving closer towards this tall thing we were struggling to work out if it was a very hideous bloke or a very repulsive woman. After hearing it call itself Kim we concluded that it might possibly be a girl but not a lady boy because a bloke wouldn’t make himself look that ugly. Before handing in our passports I turned to Ise and pointed at a board. On this board were pictures of the first people of various nationalities to visit this hostel. I told Kim I was from Afghanistan. She was having none of it and I was later to piss her off even more. Please read on….
We used Bangkok as our base to get around the country and to get to and from Cambodia. Our days in Bangkok were spent chilling out and drinking a lot.
One place where we spent a lot of time was MBK, a massive shopping centre where we could just relax and recover from our hang overs. We could watch a movie for £1, browse the internet really cheaply and have a meal for little over 50 pence.
Walking down Silom Road and patpong was a bit of a mission...
“You want lady”, “I give you good price”, “Sex DVD”, “You want massage”, “Yes sir very cheap”, “No money no honey”, and “where you go” rung in our ears.
This was all very amusing to start off with but soon became annoying. Ise and I would spend most nights doing the same thing. We would have a few Chang beers which were on sale in the hostel whilst getting ready. I should point out to anyone who is thinking of going to Thailand, that the shower and toilet are always in the same room, so you can take a shower whilst having a shit at the same time. When going out on the town, Ise and I would usually go to Patpong and buy a lot of whiskey and coke which came to roughly £2. We would usually sit down on the pavement and drink it. On one particular night we were sitting outside a sex massage place. I decided to chill out and drink my whiskey and coke, but as soon as the samgsum hit my head, I was stopping all modes of transport coming through patpong high fiving everyone. Out of no where a security guard appeared. Usually it’s Ise who gets in trouble at night, especially after dirty D’s. Thankfully the security guard wasn’t the type who was 6’2’’ tall and weighs 20 stone. Luckily, he was quite the opposite, no bigger or fatter than a jockey. I had nothing to worry about and being very drunk went over to high five him too.
 The big security man didn’t care I was drinking on the street, what a legend |
After seeing the sex massage man not succeed in getting anyone into his place I thought I would give it a try. I was doing this with little success and the most response I got from someone was an English girl of all people, I kept on saying “Lynchy Biggalo male gigolo” to the response of F**k off. I did earn myself a bottle of Samsung from the guy who employed me.
 Me and my sex massage board |
 Ise and I recruiting new people (who the f**k is he) |
Getting on towards midnight we headed to a bar 50 yards from where we were. Frankly, we were in no fit state to walk any further. For the next thirty seconds we felt famous. As soon as we stepped in this place we were mobbed by screaming women. I managed to pull whilst Ise was more reluctant and told women he had a girlfriend (which he didn’t at the time). None of us can recall exactly what happened next, but we remember meeting some lads who took us to a small club they knew of. Once inside the club we noticed a lot of women sitting in the corner with numbers on them. If you wanted sex you would just pick a girl you like the look of. Ise nearly got us chucked out of the place as he did not have a drink in his hand. We stayed here a while, sobered up, realised it was all a bit weird and left.
On the Sunday we had a new guy staying in our room. He was a fat 42 year old DJ called Ray. I invited him to join us down the pub to watch the footy. Halfway through the footy Ise went back to get some much needed sleep after last nights heroics. I stayed on with Ray to watch the second half. After the game, Ray wanted to try out a Ping-pong show as he had never seen one. I agreed to go along with him. As you know I didn’t have much success at the last one after we got told to leave and this one was not to be any easier as Ray decided to take photos of the women. That was the end of that. Not expecting to go out that night I was still wearing my spurs shirt and shorts. We met some random guys and went to some more clubs before finally returning to our hostel at around 3am. Both me and Ray had pulled. I like to say mine looked like Alesha Milian but I might have had beer goggles on. We were soon jumped upon by the thing (Kim). She told the girls to leave and if I was to ever do that again I had to leave the hostel. We never spoke to each other again.
After another day relaxing at MBK we were dropped off at Patpong to make our way back home. After leaving the tut-tut we found ourselves being sprayed with water and getting covered with talcum powder. Having not brushed up on big events in Thailand we were not to know that we had hit Thai New Year. This was the Songkran Festival, where local people pay homage to Buddha images, clean their homes, and sprinkle water on their elders in a show of respect. This has developed in recent years into open warfare, with everything from hoses to ten gallon tubs used to guarantee a thorough soaking of the target. Any one who has never been to one of these should go.
 Thai New Year - on the way back to put my stuff back into the hostel and get ready for a 4 day water fight |
After seeing this we went back to the hostel to get ready for this 4 day water fight. Over this period you couldn’t leave your home without getting wet. After leaving the hostel we turned right to head back up the main street to Patpong. It was mayhem. The roads were chocker block with lorries carrying big barrels of water and there was even an elephant walking down the street. Ise came up with a great idea. We purchased a big bottle of water each and made our own water guns. These were pretty ineffective against the water hoses, but at least we managed to get some revenge.
After a thorough soaking, we got our whiskey and sat down on the curb drinking and getting even more wet. Whilst drinking, I put my money where my mouth is and said to Ise I bet you I will pull in less than 5 minutes. Usually in Newmarket I'd say I bet I pull inside the next 5 months. On entering our watering hole we were mobbed again and the same woman I pulled there a few nights ago came up to me and pulled me again. Result. Yet again Ise was saying he had a girlfriend.
 The photos that I found in my pocket the next morning |
 Ise congratulates me on pulling a Thai girl |
The women in the bars loved to play the game of connect 4 for money and I think out of all our attempts, Ise won once. I didn’t succeed at all, but I wasn’t trying. Whilst Ise had disappeared I was asked by the girl if we could go and I said yes. To my surprise, if I wanted to take her out of the bar I would have to pay a bar fine. A bar fine is where you have to pay the manager the rest of her wages for the night. I decided to avoid this situation and left to find Ise. I didn’t have to go far to find him. He was just on the other side of the road chatting to some blokes. Once they left we spotted possibly the best looking girl in Thailand which we both fancied. Me being me, I thought I would try and get the conversation going but this didn’t last too long. The only answer we got from her was “I only like Thai blokes”. What cheek.
Later into the night we asked a tut-tut man take us somewhere good. After about ten minutes we arrived in a back alley and the driver showed us in to this bar. Having settled in to watch Liverpool play, Ise pointed out to me that there were a lot of men in this bar. In fact it was a Thai gay bar. We stayed to watch the end of the footy regardless and went home at around 5:30am.
Our next step was Cambodia. We booked a bus to take us there only for it to be cancelled so we went back to the great Tony Lee from TAT and booked another bus. Getting a visa took some time on the Thai side of the border, but after a couple of hours we had crossed. We were there. The KINGDOM OFCAMBODIA…
To read the Cambodian report go to its blog
Upon returning to Bangkok, I noticed some delicacies being cooked on the side of the road. Feeling a bit peckish I went over to see what was on offer. Instead of a burger van that you would find in Newmarket, there was a massive wok with fried bush tucker. On offer were Locusts and Bugs of many different varieties - just like a pick-n-mix. I opted for just one locust and an unknown bug and took them back to the hostel. The taste was awful and my face fared no better.
Just about to eat a locust |
As you can see my face fared no better |
Whilst walking through the streets I spotted a ladyboy. As we walked passed the ladyboy I took a second look just to make sure. I was the centre of another un- provoked attack. It thought I was starring at it and the ladyboy ran over to me and slapped me on the head. Ise and I couldn’t contain ourselves from laughing so much.
Ise pretending I am taking a photo of him but we wanted to get a picture of a suspected ladyboy |
That night Ise gave in to the old ‘I have a girlfriend thing’ and finally pulled some Thai ladyboy and I wasn’t to see him the following afternoon. We heard so many great things about Koh San Road so we went there the following night. It was the backpacker’s part of Bangkok. In the middle of the street was a small stall with a lot of spirits on it served by some nice Thai girls. It was the Very Strong Cocktail Bar. For 60baht, or £1, you could pick any cocktail you wanted.
very strong cocktail bar |
Ise & lynchy with the cocktail women |
After having to listen to some boring German guy we decided it was time to leave and try out some other bars. We ventured 100 yards up the road and entered a bar. Upon entering it, it was as if Ise was starting to feel ill again - the sound of Bob Marley was returning. Yes you guessed it - after 5 weeks of peace from the Bob Marley boys, we bumped into them again. After a few hours talking to them Ise disappeared and I was left to fend for myself. I was not to see him until the next evening. As the footy was on I decided to go back to Patpong as I knew of a bar that stayed open behind closed doors. Despite all the tut-tut and taxi drivers insisting everywhere was closed and trying to take me to a sex show, I managed to get to Patpong. The rest of my night was spent playing pool with the Thai ladies and getting chased around the pool tables by the 150year old Thai women trying to sell me stuff. Around 8am the bar served up breakfast and then I went back with one of the women for some Thai loving.
Today Ise and I decided we would try out the theme park just outside of the city. It was called Dream World and I can honestly say that we both wished it was a dream. After braving the haunted house we went on the Viking ship. All was going well until it broke whilst it was still swinging vigorously and to make it worse someone was sick right behind us. Our personal highlight of the park was the snow dome, where we could slide down a massive ice slide.
Ise and I have been drinking so much Thai whiskey we started seeing green rabbits at the theme park |
The next day Ise failed to make it out of bed for our day at the races so I headed off to watch the racing by myself. Ise did attempt to make it to the racing later in the day, put failed to find the entrance to the track.
Our last night out in Asia before travelling home was on a Monday. We spent the night at Koh San Road when we were challenged to play thumb-wars with little kids for money. This was another easy way to loose your money.
Below are some photos from the last night of partying in Thailand
I get beaten at thumb wars |
Ise gets beaten at thumb wars |
Ise and I enjoying a cocktail |
The little shit that beat me at thumb wars |
Me and another Thai wife |
The old women who sticks her tongue out at people |
Ise & I fighting over a pool cue |
Lynchy couldn't have them all |
The next day I was on my way back home to England, whilst Ise had to wait another 24hrs before his flight. Whilst in the airport getting checked in I discovered that in order to get out of the country I had to pay a hidden additional charge, I was ok for this but then realised Ise had no money left. I was pondering on how he would get home. I found this to be very funny. After texting Ise about the scenario, he had to rush around Bangkok to find the British Embassy to borrow some money. Ise is yet to pay the Embassy back and could be deported out of England and back to Thailand.
 Thought I would put this up just in case Ise needs the British Embassy in Bangkok again |
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